untitled mess (drafted early 2010)

The panic grips my chest, shaking me into reality. But I’m paralyzed. Instead, I shallow breathe. I plunk myself farther and farther away, the distance disturbingly comforting. Take it all away, my mind says deep inside me. Take it all away. Depression, repression, impression, compression, oppression. I think I need some sunshine.

No more today. No more tomorrow. Just no more. If that darkness took over when I closed my eyes, you wouldn’t be here with me anymore.

on a wednesday morning


sometimes one wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. No good reason for it, just a little lost lumber or something. Perhaps a strange dream. Yes, usually a strange dream. This dream I had wasn’t so much something to make me irritable, not at all. In fact in the dream I kept asking myself why I was acting surprised and running away when in fact I would have rather stayed and laughed. At one point I did return but ended up apologizing profusely as I made my way out the front door. definitely strange. Moving on, I did get out of bed, rustled and foggy, and managed to finish the morning routine of taking out the trash, finishing up the dishes, running the dishwasher, feeding the cat, making a cuppa tea and having breakfast. However before I get out of bed every morning I do send the love of my life little messages letting her know I have woken to her whispers in my ear. They always make that fog disappear. My one.


Clearly I had something else to write here but I’ve plum forgotten what it was.


What’s goin’ on around here?


Well lately I’ve been working on a lot of poetry. This fall I am applying for two things:
1.) Full Fellowship at the Vermont Studio Center
2.) The Walt Whitman Award through the Academy of American Poets


This past winter I was awarded a scholarship to the Vermont Studio Center for the month of September 09 (yes this month) however I was unable to go due to finances and family responsibilities. This application is for the full fellowship and I have applied for March, April and May of 2010. I’m going to get it this time.


I just want you all to know you are loved. Dearly.


Me