consideration

I am considering actually using this place as a conduit for my moving forward, love of cooking and book reviews.  I haven’t really done much of anything here in months and I think it’s high time to make some changes.  So, every Monday I will explore with you the shopping and cooking adventures of the weekend.  Wednesdays will be review days – mostly books perhaps other types of reviews.  Fridays will be a top up from the previous week and dog day details on the growing wonder of our puppy Bilbur (aka Bill buried the ax hole or other clever quips I come up with).

Over time you will notice that we will be changing the format of the site – it’s time for a ten-second tidy.  My very own Mandrea – aka Andrea, will be performing the updates.  Techie is not my middle name.  Also, a laptop has been generously donated by the Little Geeks Foundation, where I do some volunteer work, so’s I can get mah blog on ;o) … among other things.

Since today is Sunday, I will not be posting anything life changing or deeply introspective, just a lil ‘cheesy’ fun thought about what’s for dinner … Squash the Cheese!  Melt the Peas!  Beat those eggs and brew those teas!  RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH!

ok not so clever…. 😀

Krishna and Vishnu

It’s a rainy Sunday. Weren’t April showers bringing May flowers? It feels like the west coast out here.

Yesterday I attended a Hare Krishna wedding in Montreal. My emotions always get touched by weddings, and this one was just a little different. This one was spiritual. An ancient ceremony performed before a pit of fire with blessings from all who attended. I know not what to say. Radha-Prema, my newlywed friend, is a very spiritual woman; a guide in my eyes. Last year she invited me to her initiation into the temple. This year, her wedding. Each time I’ve been in the presence of her spirituality, I’ve wondered about my own.

I grew up in a very christian-based family. A confusing one at that. One grandmother was a christian scientist, another set of grandparents baptist. My mother sent me to lutheran school and my best aunt was a mormon (for awhile). Church going was a common thing for me, just not always the same church. Very early on I realized I didn’t believe in the God everyone was so sweet on. It didn’t make sense to me. I was a kid who experienced astral travel at a young age (not knowing what it was) and wondered how things existed. I would pull things apart to see the molecular structure. I wanted to know why some things snapped when they broke and some things just bent. God didn’t play a role in that scenario, neither did Jesus. I mean, if he could turn two fish into a billion, howdi he do it and why couldn’t I? The point here was that Christianity confused me. Still does. What I was looking for wasn’t God. It was spiritual awareness.

As I watched Radha and Damadora seal their bond, we all threw rice into the fire and chanted. We connected as one. We all bonded to each other as a community in love and commitment. What the heck am I doing?! Where is it I am on this path? Is it a choice? Am I missing out on something? Sometimes, I wonder. I get that I’m earthbound and like being rooted. I’m okay with that. It’s time to start studying my own spirituality again. Stop trying to fit into a mould and explore the things I love. Meditation, yoga, quantum physics. I know what the ‘missing’ is though…it’s ceremony, tradition.

The ceremony of the wedding bonded the dedication both Radha and Damadora have for their religion. They aren’t just a married couple now. They are bigger than they know.

Toda being Sunday and back from Montreal, I went to a baby shower being hosted at the theatre. So many new moms and parents, people I haven’t seen in ages, friends, food, family. It was really magnificent to be a part of that community again. We’ve all been disconnected from each other for various reasons over the years and now it was clear we grew up. The parties are shifting, the conversation is different. I’m almost sad that it’s all going to go by so fast. 13 of my friends are having babies this year. 13! Don’t get me wrong, I’m all done with the baby making, it’s more watching my friends grow-up.

Listen you, I’m wiped out. I don’t even know what I’m writing about. What I do know is that I am going to re-read Spiritwalker by Hank Wesselman and leave you with this…

My landslide

I am a GLEE fan. It’s true, it is my guilty pleasure and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Last week Santana, Holly (Gwyneth Paltrow) and Brittany sang Landslide. As I sang along, I started crying. Not just little tears, big heaving sobs. Guess I needed a little cry. But it got me thinking about why. I asked myself “Why am I crying like this? What is it about the song that is so emotive?” It didn’t take me long to figure out that my life has been that climb up the mountain. Whether it is love, kids or work that upward battle has always been just that; a battle.    Can I handle the seasons of my life?  I climbed a mountain then I turned around.  I saw my reflection and knew I needed to come down.  So I did.  That’s when I chose vanilla.  Vanilla with rainbow sprinkles, gummi bears, skor bits and a cherry right on top.  The way I see it, my life is decorated with experience, love and support.  Sometimes I get arrogant, self-righteous and full of myself and I’m okay with that.  I eat my gummi bears one bear at a time.

I love that this video is old and scratchy.  It is perfect.

Ya know, one of the reasons I don’t post as often is because I’m really not happy how it works. So I get frustrated changing it around and just leave it. Perhaps I am just never satisfied. That is possible.

So my favourite music site is Radio Paradise and I am constantly finding new bands that I fall in love with.  The latest is Adele.  Everything about Adele is magnificent and fantastic.  Especially this video.

*insert random boring text here*  What has been happening?  Well, let’s sum up the past six months in one paragraph or less.

My son starts high school and is doing well when my daughters best friend shoots himself in the head just after school starts.  She plummets into a depression as I start a new job that doesn’t pay me until November.  I find my biological father and my daughter downs a bottle of Tylenol.  At this point my son starts skipping school and doing drugs.  His grades drop 30 points.  Daughter gets out of hospital, thinks everything is all better and Christmas comes.  New Years goes, back to school, kids balanced?  Until son gets kicked out of group home because of belligerence, drug use and abuse.  Son comes home for a week to try to make things work, breaks down intentionally because he wants to live on his own at 14.  Moves to another group home, stays out all weekend then rushed to hospital with methamphetamine, amphetamines, cannabis and MDMA in his system.

But ya know, it doesn’t all seem so bad when I write it all out.  However listening to Elbow – The Fix is definitely helping.