another day in paradise lost
This little family of mine is complicated. We have many layers of distress that are constantly being stretched to the nth degree. Today was a phone call. Not a pleasant voice on the other end of the phone, which I now realize deeply hurts me. The call wasn’t for me but for my daughter. I do realize there are many things people are hurting over but is it really necessary to perpetuate the wound? My role as a woman, adult, parent here is to take the high road, to make decisions that I feel most benefit my family. No one person has answers to anything, just a little support when needed – which ultimately is what the universe needs…a little support. Anyway, this phone call was distressful because I know both parties hurt over decisions that have been made over actions performed. We reap what we sow, at least that’s the karma of it all.
I question my decisions on a daily basis. But there is a point in life when a person needs to remember their ‘self’. That inkling of humanity and preservation. Where do we create balance? What if another party is involved who doesn’t want to communicate or points all blame outside? If we want to heal, how can we open those gates if we know we are going to be trampled or feeling lost justice? Generally, I am not one to close my doors or put up barriers but this one feels depressingly necessary. A large part of me feels that if I give in now, a palpable sense of my being will be lost. Follow protocol, stand my ground and refrain from lashing out to the one person who throws stones in glass houses.