this lil dream

I blame only myself for not putting forth the effort in writing the blog lately. It is a learning curve for me to not make the excuse ‘just because’ this or ‘just because’ that. Always finding something else to do ends up being more of a hobby but eventually percolates my own feelings of inadequacy . However, I do vow to push myself forward and post regardless of whether there is something truly interesting to say or not.

As we all know, the kids and I have moved into a new home. We also know I move a lot. This time I think it will be for awhile. The last big move was 4 years, I’m pretty confident in breaking that record. Let’s just hope I don’t get some crazy job in Thailand writing about the rainy season…

My sleep patterns have been very skewed lately and I’m not entirely sure why. There is some anxiety harbouring in me due to a lack of contracts at the moment, which turns into concern for paying the bills. But in truth, the insomnia is more to do with what I am learning at the moment. Learning and accepting. There are two things:

1.)Embracing my inner Queen
2.)Moving forward

Yes yes I know – I will always be a ‘princess’ and for the most part I am fine with that. But #2 is the one to be concerned with. The other night I had a dream I was driving in a big ass convertible Chrysler fully equipped including the scarf around my head. My destination – Georgia. As many of you know I just returned from 5 weeks of what should have been a 6 month tour around the United States and Canada. We can get into those details another time. Back to the dream …

At the beginning of the dream I watch myself cross the NY State border. Thankfully my brain didn’t need to reminisce the rest of the drive and landed be right at the front door of the trailer park on Tybee Island. First things first – give some love to Trailer Tom. The day I left for my flight I made a promise to be back and I still feel a little sad about it. So I say hello (perhaps also to procrastinate) before heading over to the trailer to start packing my stuff.

As I walk into the trailer (things are always different in dreams) I see a young woman sleeping in the bed. Knowing this person wasn’t a threat I still threw a fit – tearing apart the cabinets and drawers looking for anything that would accuse my former partner of having an affair with her. As I was looking for my things it slowly dawned on me I was here to bring home my son. Why he was in Georgia is beyond me – but he was. It was here that ‘Judith’ came into scene.

Judith is a quadriplegic I was working with on the tour. But in the dream she was a walking, scrawny, hideous woman who wore her skin like chicken, blue eyeshadow and red lipstick and hung around with a lit cigarette dangling in her mouth. Needless to say I was appalled. She couldn’t figure out why I was being such a drama queen. It was so irritating!! I just wanted to smash her into little pieces! She kept saying “He likes it here, why do you always need to take him away?” My response was “because he is MY son and he needs to be home.”

I don’t remember much more of the dream but I did wake up shaken and disturbed. For the better part of that morning many tears fell. I know my way most of the time – but this path is leading me somewhere and I’m not really grasping the details. My fingers can type the words right now but hopefully they will soon.

On a brighter note! I found some great Tough Drum Radio segments that I did with some friends a couple years ago. They are a real hoot and I’m hoping to figure out how to cut them in the proper places so you don’t have to listen to the entire 2 hours.

Also – there are a lot of little things that have been coming out lately that I will share with you. Strange little ditties that show themselves like dust bunnies – lovely!!


I love you more than you know