Krishna and Vishnu

It’s a rainy Sunday. Weren’t April showers bringing May flowers? It feels like the west coast out here.

Yesterday I attended a Hare Krishna wedding in Montreal. My emotions always get touched by weddings, and this one was just a little different. This one was spiritual. An ancient ceremony performed before a pit of fire with blessings from all who attended. I know not what to say. Radha-Prema, my newlywed friend, is a very spiritual woman; a guide in my eyes. Last year she invited me to her initiation into the temple. This year, her wedding. Each time I’ve been in the presence of her spirituality, I’ve wondered about my own.

I grew up in a very christian-based family. A confusing one at that. One grandmother was a christian scientist, another set of grandparents baptist. My mother sent me to lutheran school and my best aunt was a mormon (for awhile). Church going was a common thing for me, just not always the same church. Very early on I realized I didn’t believe in the God everyone was so sweet on. It didn’t make sense to me. I was a kid who experienced astral travel at a young age (not knowing what it was) and wondered how things existed. I would pull things apart to see the molecular structure. I wanted to know why some things snapped when they broke and some things just bent. God didn’t play a role in that scenario, neither did Jesus. I mean, if he could turn two fish into a billion, howdi he do it and why couldn’t I? The point here was that Christianity confused me. Still does. What I was looking for wasn’t God. It was spiritual awareness.

As I watched Radha and Damadora seal their bond, we all threw rice into the fire and chanted. We connected as one. We all bonded to each other as a community in love and commitment. What the heck am I doing?! Where is it I am on this path? Is it a choice? Am I missing out on something? Sometimes, I wonder. I get that I’m earthbound and like being rooted. I’m okay with that. It’s time to start studying my own spirituality again. Stop trying to fit into a mould and explore the things I love. Meditation, yoga, quantum physics. I know what the ‘missing’ is though…it’s ceremony, tradition.

The ceremony of the wedding bonded the dedication both Radha and Damadora have for their religion. They aren’t just a married couple now. They are bigger than they know.

Toda being Sunday and back from Montreal, I went to a baby shower being hosted at the theatre. So many new moms and parents, people I haven’t seen in ages, friends, food, family. It was really magnificent to be a part of that community again. We’ve all been disconnected from each other for various reasons over the years and now it was clear we grew up. The parties are shifting, the conversation is different. I’m almost sad that it’s all going to go by so fast. 13 of my friends are having babies this year. 13! Don’t get me wrong, I’m all done with the baby making, it’s more watching my friends grow-up.

Listen you, I’m wiped out. I don’t even know what I’m writing about. What I do know is that I am going to re-read Spiritwalker by Hank Wesselman and leave you with this…


she sits in the rain waiting for something sitting in the middle of the sidewalk her head lowered she can’t distinguish the tears from the rain drops in her palpable lap sadness consumes her world already fell away eyes capture passing shoes as they flick tiny showers and her mind chants Aadays Tisai Aadays Aad Aneel Anaad Anaahat Jug Jug Ayko Vays as the saddened eyes fill up within her soul body lies on the wet concrete now that small wet hand hovers above the shallow puddle presented to her eyes close as she rolls her face into the puddle quietly chanting

she wears a raincoat