merrily this way comes

Good morning my friends and perhaps a family or two. The holiday season is now upon us. The snow is flying outside my window as I sit here watching lovely people all bundled up with joy as they walk their dogs, carry their school books and hunker down into the wind. This is not my favourite time of year but it gives me a great excuse to feel sorry for myself. The whole self-loathing thing really gets the better part of me and I do realize this. But perhaps this isn’t the ideal place to start.

One topic up for discussion is the magazine I recently pitched a story to. Now, this is a mag I have already written for and communicate with (I thought) very well. This most recent story requires my traveling a short distance to cover a court case in Detroit. Now, I don’t live far – lil ol Toronto – so the travel costs are minimal. One train ride costing under $160 round trip. Accommodations are secure as I would be staying with the family the article is about. Now – 10 days ago I asked if the magazine could cover this cost as it is extremely important to the integrity of the article. Regardless of the emails and phone calls I have inquired with, they still have not contacted me with a ‘Yea’ or ‘Nay’. Now, what does this leave me to suspect? A) that they are definitely not covering the ticket and B) perhaps my article has been dropped.

Now normally I would cover this cost myself however, I have taken a significant cut in rate because the magazine is a not-for-profit publication.

The question I pose to now is do I write the piece and pitch it to another magazine or persevere with this one?

ponder ponder.

side note: I am in contact with the family on a regular basis and they have offered to pay for the train ticket. However, I do feel this is wrong and unjust especially in what is supposed to be an inclusive society. Or at least that is what we are striving for.

At peace;


where she has gone

it’s been a long time being here.  So much of my time has been consumed with life issues and constraints, writing for other people and forgetting my passion – love. So much has happened over the last year I still have a hard time compartmentalizing it all.  That is to say that my brain even functions that way.  Being as open and free as someone like me is, I find it difficult not to share every aspect of my life.

To be honest, I don’t even know what to write anymore.

I had a dream last night.  In this dream was the catalyst in my most recent break-up.  For months I’ve felt anger, hatred for these two people but last week my house was emptied of the last of his belongings and a sense of relief came over the whole house.  Well, in this dream the catalyst was very present.  But I finally didn’t feel like stabbing her eyeballs out and setting the gaping holes on fire.  yes, I am aware that reaction is NOT PEACEFUL.  Just let me get over it.

I ate the whole bag of cherries today.